“For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountaintop,then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs,then shall you truly dance.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
It’s six months ago today that you went
back to the light,
to your true home.
I’ve thought about you every day since then.
I’ve set an intention to heal,
and even though I will never be the same,
I choose to honour you
with my life.
I will hold the memory of you
in my heart,
until we meet again
I’ve read books about grief and near death experiences,
trying to find my way into the realm where only joy exists,
that place where you now live.
I’ve joined the army of parents
who know this indescribable pain of loss.
I’ve cried until every part of me hurts.
I’ve questioned every one of my beliefs.
I’ve even stormed the gates of heaven to find you.
I’ve been to hell
and now I know it’s not a real place,
because God is love and He would never
torture those whom He loves
I have seen you in my dreams,
I won’t let you go,
you know me like that!
I’ve been led to people of light who have suffered
whose one desire
is to make this world a better place!
I’ve lit candles every Friday for the last six months.
I’ve pasted your picture on walls.
I still have some treasures that belong to you as a reminder
of how precious you are to me.
And in the stillness of the night,
I hear your voice,
reassuring me that you are still here,
watching over me.
You’ve held my hand
when I was at my lowest ebb,
and it was real!
I’ve searched the sky, the grasslands,
the forests, the rivers, the lakes,
and the ocean shore for signs of you
and you’ve sent me many gifts of love,
signs that no one can take away from a grieving parent.
But I don’t expect those who don’t know this pain
I’m living now in a realm between two worlds,
a place occupied by Angels,
where iridescent light shines eternally.
And when living on this planet gets too hard for me to bear
I close my eyes,
and I see the inner light of glory,
the Kingdom of heaven.
I promise you that I will keep watch while I’m asleep,
and dream while I’m awake.
I don’t want to miss a thing.
The goodness and comfort of God surrounds me,
with a love that cannot be measured.
In the meantime I’ll keep forgiving
as you would want me to.
I’ll allow myself to be vulnerable
hey, it’s a beautiful thing
to be human the way we are meant to be,
just like you were
while you were here on Earth.
Your legacy is one of generosity and light.
You’ll be glad to know that I’ve tuned out the naysayers,
they are background noise to me now,
and those who pass judgment have been brought to their knees
in the presence of such grace.
You have done your work here on Earth
and I can hear God say
“good and faithful servant
in spite of your pain
and you forgave!”
You didn’t pass by the homeless
or the broken,
you looked into their eyes,
the way the master did while he was here on Earth
and you had great compassion!
So, as long as I have breath in me,
I will keep on keeping on
and I will take just one day at a time!
I will forever honour your memory,
and be thankful for our time together.
You and your brother are the bravest humans I have ever known.
My beloved son,
I will always be proud to be your Mother!