Crystalline emblems

“When a stargirl cries, she sheds not tears but light.”
― Jerry SpinelliStargirl

crystalline emblems
I’ve been crying lately,
in penetrating remembrance.
Uncontrollable emotions have swarmed
imposing their misery.
Daytime obstacles to joy,
I shut them out,
they come in the back door,
more ferocious
and cruel!
I’ve judged them unworthy,
these serpentine thoughts,
saying out loud “what’s wrong with me?”

Well, this is what’s wrong;
I’m a broken-hearted Earthling,
devoid of dreams,
shattered in shards,
prodded by circumstance,
weary of this earthen tread,
trying to feel grounded,
on an unsteady planet.
The tilt and the pull
of a waning moon has pressed down
on my unbalanced tides
in merciless ebb.
I’m grasped by hostile oceans of despair,
and drowned by sorrow!

The movement and flow of life,
of normality
won’t bring me back
to equilibrium.

I see the others,
smiling,
happy,
laughing,
and I wonder why?
But I dare not ask myself that?
It would sound ungrateful!
But in reality
I’m
discouraged,
as I drag my body
across an unwanted life
I fall into
quagmires of pity,
and I search for hope
in a morass of incongruity…

and then
I see You
collecting my tears
in a jar
from Your own luminescent waters,
and at a distance
they look like crystalline emblems,
shining lights,
of a brave soul’s journey!

©AllysoAlly2018

 

11 thoughts on “Crystalline emblems

  1. Hauntingly touching. I can only imagine your despair and so wish such a grievous loss had not befallen you. I don’t even have any words to help you. I remember when my father died when I was only 19, it even made me angry for anyone to try to offer words of consolation.
    Nothing was going to stop my broken heart from the utter anguish it was feeling then, and 5 decades later, the tears still fall when I talk of him, or think of him, or miss his presence in my world. So I know a little of what you are going through and it is profoundly beyond the range that human words or acts can assuage. But I loved the ending of this for there are days when I look at a photo of my Nornan and see that twinkle in his eye that a light shines. Love and hugs, 🙂 ❤ xoxoxoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This poem brought me to tears Ally. I can relate word for word with your sorrow. It seems to engulf us at times, but our light still shines. You bring light and inspiration into my world. Keep on shining my dear friend!

    Liked by 1 person

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