Forty years ago…

revie 27

Forty years ago my waters broke at about 6am.
I was alone.
My then-husband had gone on an army camp.
I had no telephone and no car.
I was terrified and I didn’t know what to do.

I’d read that when the waters break it means there’s no going back.

I lived in Harare and we had a young man named Isaac who cleaned our apartment.
He was a kind, strong young man and I relied on him.

He usually arrived at about 7:30am
so I waited, still terrified.
I was just a naïve young girl.

When he got to our apartment, I asked him to call a taxi for me.
I think he ran faster than he had ever run in his life,
because in no time the Taxi was at my door.

The Taxi driver seemed really nervous
and drove up a one-way street to get me to the hospital entrance.
I think he was afraid I would have my baby in his Taxi.

When I got to the hospital, they said I must go home,
I looked too small to be having a baby that day.
I told them my waters had broken and they quickly ushered me
into the Labor ward.

They took me to a bed and left me there.
I was terrified and alone. No one had explained the stages of labor
or even how painful it might be.
I was still in the early stages, so the doctor didn’t come right away.
I needed reassurance that everything would be alright
but I can’t remember getting it from anyone.

They said that they had tried to call my husband,
but he didn’t come for a long time
I was terrified and alone.

When he eventually arrived, I was in heavy labor but it was too late to have an epidural.

I spent the whole day and night in labor.
I had never experienced such incredible pain, I thought I might die.

By this time, I’d gone into shock and I had no idea what to do next.
I didn’t know anything about pushing, but I did what the hospital staff asked.

At 2.30am the next morning my baby was removed by forceps delivery.
It was excruciating.
I was terrified.
I went to sleep after this long ordeal and they took my baby away.

The next morning, I awoke to find the most exquisite creature
I have ever seen lying beside me.
He was not very big and a little jaundiced.

Though he was born early, he was perfectly formed.

I was just a young girl trying to do the best I could in a difficult situation.
Although I had the permission of my parents to get married at six months pregnant
I was still an embarrassment to friends and family.
I remember those sideways glances and whispered expressions.
I felt dirty and disgusting, a pariah in my family.

On the other hand, in my arms was this beautiful angel,
who from the very beginning of his existence
has saved my life more times than I care to say.
Given to me by God as a friend, a protector
and a comforter.

He has been with me through the very worst times of my life.
I don’t think I would have made it this far without him.

He is my life, my soul, my joy, my raison dêtre.

A bright star in my Universe.
He is one of the most loving, caring, generous, humble
and kind humans I know on this earth.
We have faced terrible odds together and survived.
I want to honor him today and always…

I used to wish that all my dreams would come true,
and we would live happily ever after,
but I have come to understand
that the Universe sometimes has different plans.

I’ve learned that the most fearless humans
are those who have faced the outer darkness
and survived.
It doesn’t matter what wealth or possessions
you amass on this earth or how qualified you become,
it’s the size of your heart that counts.
In fact, temporal things may deviate us from the more important things in life,
like love, kindness, compassion, and true humanity.

He has the most beautiful heart I know.
Like his brother, he is human the way we are meant to be…
It won’t be easy for us to celebrate without his brother, but nevertheless, we will…

revie 12

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Love…

“The most telling and profound way of describing the evolution of the universe would undoubtedly be to trace the evolution of love.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

love

Should I speak of love 

and its delectable parts
how it crashes in
overwhelms the heart? ♡
how it softly whispers 
in liquid streams,
casts its breath,
it intervenes…
Pours out like unrelenting tides
unveils the radiance
of humankind…

 
©Ally2019

Recipe for removal of bitterness…

I was going to participate in the poetry month for April but I realize it takes up so much of my time, so I’m going to do it intermittently… 🙂
This is my recipe for April the first! (one day late)

recipe for bitterness

Mix in sweet gratitude and let it seep…
Take dollops
of surrender
And pour in deep…
Let presence enfold you
immersing the pain,
on a low heat of forgiveness
whisk in the remains…
of grace and mercy,
with heapfuls of love,
blended with compassion,
and using kit gloves,
sharpness will boil away, as you ladel out blessings
count them very slowly,
it may be messy…
it may take courage to let it dissolve,
bake on high and
you will evolve…

bitterness is removed
with loads of patience
serve with love
and dedication…

A spectacle of love

“… to be human
is to become visible
while carrying
what is hidden
as a gift to others…”
― David Whyte

horses 2

He made a spectacle of love,
the unscathed motion
of his words
fell on longing…

And those who sought his gaze
found trajectories of
kindness
generosity,
devotion too astonishing
to pass by…

He was willing to let the world fall at his feet
but not without love,
because
without love
he was nothing!
an empty
meaningless
husk
an Earthling with no cause…

His honesty broke the canvas skies
he stood out,
though rejection wounded him
when they turned away

he became unknown…

and he sought answers
in despair
in folly,
finding mankind’s love
restrictive
flawed…

for in transitory barriers
of a broken Earth
love is too glib an expression
to pour out freely
to open,
sometimes even to believe…

You know that kind of love that remembers no wrongs
seeks not its own satisfaction,
to some
just a frail portrayal,
susceptible to stagnation…

His wait was not long

In shining vestibules
he grasped the perfection of love,
unlimited,
requiring nothing of him
but to be himself,
no need to clean up his act…

The pull was too strong
for him to resist
and he flew into belonging,
never again to be unwanted
or unloved
by those who
require absolution…

Bathed in the warm light of love his soul sung out and the energy of love transformed him,
spread him out across
the great expanse
like a shining vibrant jewel of color
and in cosmic waves of devotion
he awoke…

He was acceptable in the sight of love and his spirit eased,
for he knew all things,
and being immersed in the calming nature
of unconditional love

he became light……

©Ally2019

 

Wallflower…

“Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness
to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.”
― David Whyte

reflections

She was the sad line, in a romantic play,
foolish enough
to press replay.
She learned the narration off by heart
shattered composition,
no work of art…

She cried in umbra,
her description frail
stashed her belongings
in deathly vales,
and shadows hid her inadequacy,
then the movement of form
set her free…

Free from limitations
from hiding away
released from torment
from feeling afraid…
unlovable
unwanted,
she was wholly adrift,
a wallflower
on a quest
to be
kissed…

Their eyes discovered the transparency of gaze,
of crowded elements,
apparent clichés!

He didn’t complete her;
he imparted strength,
in tender formations
of holy breath…

Accolades have never made her feel known,
only great love
deep in the bones!!

©Ally2019