Mother…

“And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.”
The Beatles

throwback to my mum

In split seconds,
time
moves,
and grief changes
into memories…
paper dreams
fade
and shed
into black and white keepsakes…

it feels
like just
yesterday
I touched you…

Sadly I lost my Mum when I was 26…

 

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My Gran…

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

granny charlotte

I only recently found out that my Gran had a daughter
who passed at 2 years old.
My Gran was one of the most beautiful souls I have ever known…

Her skin was translucent like diaphanous sunshine,
I could see her veins…
she was slowly fading
into transcendent thought
shedding her pain…

though her form was fragile
her heart grew brave,
and her silver locks flowed down in waves…

amplified by breath-taking wonder
beyond death…
time unraveled
into ascended breath,
transforming her into radiant particles
bit by bit,
her flesh evanesced,
effecting a shift…

becoming one with the source
her grief atoned,
imagining the completeness of being fully known…

a holder of sorrows and unbearable grief,
she was the mystical light-bearer
of my first beliefs…

©AllysoAlly2019

A child of Nature’s wonderment…

“I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

dance 2

I found my bliss in Bulawayo,
surrounded by a gaggle of ducks,
some noisy bantams and a dog named Judy…
Somehow, I knew from an early age that I was different,
a dreamer, an artist, a seer of visions.
(not recommended in a household of intellectuals)…

I was a child of nature’s wonderment
and spent many happy hours outdoors.
I clearly remember the first time I planted seeds
in my own corner of the garden,
the utter joy at seeing them sprout
from the hard-dry earth.
Everything seemed like a miracle back then,
alive with possibility…

The night skies were spectacular in Bulawayo
and I would lie on the crisp yellow grass
in the evenings watching the stars.
I had a sense that I was not alone in the vastness of everything
and a loving presence was always with me…

I was not popular in school, just a shy, dull and not very bright little girl
or that’s what I told myself…

I recall picking daisies and wild grasses in the garden
and putting them in a jar to decorate my room.
I loved climbing the giant tree outside our kitchen,
riding my bike to school in the rain
and listening to the latest pop records
while my brother played DJ in the next room.
I fell in love with all my brothers’ friends
but sadly it was unrequited…

Living in this magical Universe, I was untouched by the harsh realities of the world.

Though I deeply desired to be famous,
I shrunk away from too much attention,
actually feeling like a lost child, misplaced, and really quite odd!

I took up ballet when I was a little older,
I loved to dance, but I gave it up because
the other girls were prettier and slimmer than I was,
and I felt thoroughly out of place…

I loved tea parties with lashings of cake, Sunday lunches,
and lying next to the pool day-dreaming.
We were only allowed to drink coca-cola on weekends.
I still love the sweet, fizzy taste on a hot afternoon,
it elicits memories of a time when life was less complicated…

We had a kind, gentle man who cleaned our house,
he made the beds and did all the domestic chores.
His quiet, humble presence made me love him like a Father.
When I got home from school
he would make marmite and egg sandwiches
and we would listen to the radio together.

Though it was forbidden, I remember sneaking
into his room just to take a peek.
It was cold and bare with dark walls and a spring bed.
There was a prima stove on a tiny table in the corner.

I couldn’t comprehend why we lived in relative comfort
while he lived in an impoverished setting
drinking his tea from a jam jar…
(it makes me cry just thinking about it)
I was just a child unaware of the atrocities of that time,
and yet he was one of the most beautiful, grateful, humble human beings I have ever met…

We had to leave Bulawayo abruptly when I was about fifteen,
but my heart is still buried there, in the dusty earth…

©AllysoAlly2019

 

What’s in a name?

“I said you were Not Hardly Alice.
But you’re much more her now. In fact, you’re Almost Alice.”
[Caterpillar Absolem Quotes]
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

alison

When I was a child I hated my name.
My brothers and sister were named after Kings and a Queen of England.
I thought that I wasn’t special enough to be royalty like them.
I asked my parents who I had been named after
and they told me “a girl they met on a ship”.
That didn’t seem good enough for me, so I vowed to change my name
or maybe use my second or third name.
I was named Alison Margaret Diana…

Then in the ’70s, the movie “Love Story” came out
and I fell in love with Ryan O’Neal and Ali McGraw.
Suddenly the name Ali became popular.

Calling myself Ali didn’t seem so bad after all.
Over the years people started mispronouncing it,
calling me Ellie and Arlie,
so I changed the spelling to Ally.

Just this morning I thought of my name “Alison”, a name I used to hate!
The good news is that I have become quite fond of it.
It got me to thinking if there is something significant about our names.
Are they conceived by heaven?

I think it’s really cool that my name means “nobility or of a noble kind”

I have decided to be proud of the name that I was given,
after all, I do feel a bit like Alice in wonderland….

#littlesister

Throwback Thursday…

Happy Birthday Dad…

my fatherMy father loved whiskey,
and oysters in their shell.
He didn’t believe in heaven,
or even in hell…
He had a sense of humor
and loved sci-fi
and when he was drunk,
his voice amplified!
He was born in Umvuma; in the back of beyond
and at times his commentaries
were seriously prolonged…..
He could overhaul washing machines
and spent hours fixing cars,
he loved to socialize
and smoked Cuban cigars…
When he joined the golf club, my mother just sighed
he loved to hold up the bar,
with the other guys!!

©Ally2019